Aku dah start cuti winter. Yeay!! Hepi, hepi. Sangat hepi boleh hibernate *konon*
Harini aku nak bercerita pasal German Market di Birmingham. German Market ni kalau tempat lain di UK orang panggil Christmas Market. Mula-mula aku tak faham kenapa kat Birmingham ni panggil German Market padahal bukannya 100% pun orang German yang jaga stall. So aku pun semangatlah google pasal German Market. Rupanya sebab Christmas Market ni paling awal sekali dimulakan di German. (ok bagus aku dah tambah ilmu pengetahuan korang dalam perenggan pertama)
Next!
German Market ni suasana dia kalau kat Birmingham ni: ada stall kecil-kecil yang design dia comel-comel je. Lepas tu stall ni jual minuman keras macam beer, hot chocolate ke, ada souvenirs, barang kemas & banyak lagi. Kiranya mungkin barang untuk bagi orang masa hari Krismas kot. Suasana dia memang sangat meriah. Selain tu ada juga lah macam ala-ala fun fair sikit.
Eh macam kenal je perempuan ni.
Kami pergi ramai-ramai. Meriah lah sikit kan.
Ni tempat ramai-ramai orang minum arak. Macam, beli je then diorang minum sambil berjalan ke, sambil berdiri ke. Meriah lah tapi bau dia..
Tengok jangan tak tengok! Sebenarnya tak beli apa-apa pun kat sini. Barang-barang dia pun ada certain tu macam made in Thailand je aku tengok. Mahal pulak tu.*banyak gak cekadak aku ni* Ohya, lupa nak cakap, kalau beli baju atau kasut kat sini, walau brand macam Forever 21 ke, Nike ke, takde makna nak beli Made in United Kingdom. Kebanyakannya Made in China, Vietnam, Bangladesh etc. (walaupun baju tu tertulis I Love London) Frust tak kalau nak kirim? hihi.
Bajet macam salji turun je gambar ni. Hehe. Tapi so far kat tempat aku belum turun salji lagi la. Suhu so far paling rendah kat sini -4 darjah celcius. Sejuk kan. Kalau dalam rumah tak pasang heater kan, aku mengigil tau. Paling menyampah kalau tengah malam terjaga nak buang air. Aduiii! Toilet dahla satu je kat bawah.
Memandangkan German Market ni terletak di City Center, jadi kadang-kadang kalau nak pergi City Center tu lalu lah kat German Market ni. Lagipun hari-hari ada dari awal bulan December sampai sebelum Christmas. So alang-alang berjalan tu memang lalu lah kawasan German Market ni.
Baru-baru ni lepas kelas aku pergi lagi sekali. Sebab alang-alang bestfriend aku pun turun dari Lincoln so bawak lah dia merasa pergi Christmas Market kat Birmingham kan.
Baru perasan ada Predator. Nak? Hulur 12,000 pound dulu.
Keskemaan seorang student disitu sambil memegang cup berisi hot chocolate. Yummeh sangat minum time sejuk-sejuk ni.
Teman seperjuangan selama 6 tahun dah. Teman waktu happy, waktu sedih, waktu gaduh, waktu bergusti,cekik mencekik dan sebagainya.
p/s: Nak ke London dan ke Amsterdam cuti ni.. Semoga perjalanan selamat. Doakan saya juge. =)
Memandangkan aku ini dah lama pulak tak update blog kan. Oleh itu anggaplah entri kali ni aku nak update apa aje aktiviti yang aku dah buat selama beberapa minggu ini.
Sebenarnya masa awal-awal sampai tu aku ke London kejap. Serius, sekejap je weh. 2 hari 1 malam jer.. T__T sobs.. tak puas berjalan. Sebab yelah, ada kerja nak submit. Pergi London pun sebab nak pergi Malaysian Night kat Trafalgar Square. Nasib baiklah ada mak cik aku yang tinggal di Essex, dalam sejam naik train nak pergi rumah dia. Aku bermalam di rumah makcik aku. Waaah..bestnyaa bermalam di rumah famili. Korang tahu jelah beza duduk rumah famili dengan rumah sewa kan.
Selama ni berangan je nak gi London. Tak sangka berjaya menjejakkan kaki jugak kat tempat ni.
T__T terharu gak lah sebenarnya dalam kalbu gituh.
Sangat beriya nak gi Malaysian Night. Tetapi. Hujan.. dan sangat sejuk! Kat Malaysian Nights ni ada persembahan kebudayaan, ada makanan Malaysia. Ada teh tarik RM10 satu cawan. (ehh!! jangan convert! JANGAN CONVERT!)
Time ni semua dah basah menggigil sebenarnya. Tapi, takpe, demi dah sampai London ni!
Mak cik aku dengan cousins aku yang dah meningkat dewasa! Aww~ dulu tengok diorang kecik je lagi. Sekarang dah lagi tinggi dari aku. Macam tak percaya. Tak silap aku dah 5 tahun dah mak cik aku tinggal sini.
Sebenarnya aku tak puas pergi London. Sebab macam rushing gila! Oleh itu, aku berazam pada diri sendiri untuk datang lagi! Ceh bukannya nak berazam belajar rajin-rajin ke apa..
NEXT!
Kami bestfriend beraya Aidil Adha bersama-sama. Untuk pengetahuan korang, dalam pertama kali seumur hidup aku, aku berjaya masak rendang ayam dengan berpandukan resipi dari internet. Bila orang kata sedap dan habis cepat pulak tuh, rasa macam menang trofi pergi call mak bagitahu aku berjaya masak rendang. Semata-mata. =')
Mula-mula aku rasa sedih sebab tak tahu mana nak cari kerisik. Nasib baik aku tiba-tiba je teringat mak aku pernah buat kerisik manually. Fiuhh!! Ok fine laa..rendang aku mungkin nampak tak sesedap mak korang buat. Tapi habis apa..Ok lah tu.. ;p
Ohya, raya time ni ada member buat open house. & ada satu family Malaysian ni pun buat open house. Bestlah. Tak lah rasa forever alone ke apa.
With Malaysian students.
Dengan adik-adik dari Malaysia yang dah lama menetap kat sini. Err, kecuali yang paling depan tula sebab yang tu housemate aku. ;p *sorry Nadia*
Ok. NEXT!!
Bonfire Night!
Sebenarnya aku malas nak explain apa itu Bonfire Night. Huahuaa..boleh tak macam ni?
Sekadar perayaan tahunan bagi memperingati peristiwa tentang Guy Fawkes yang.. [link]
Ok boleh rujuk link. Tak baik malas membaca. Haha.
Disebabkan ia adalah perayaan fireworks..dan aku ni memang suka betul tengok fireworks sebab beliau cantik.Aku appreciate the arts of fireworks. Cool kot sapa yang design fireworks.
Bestnyeeee!!!!!!
(To: Amiera, Nisa & Amar: Teringat new year 2012. The same feeling but in different places with different people )
NEXT!!!
Haritu baru lepas presentation group. Fiuhhh!! Lega gilaa sebab pass! Lecturer kitorang tu dahlah strict betul. Nasib lah dia ok.
Ni cuma proses buat model jela. Penat buat model. Aku tak sangka aku kena harungi zaman membuat model nih lagi. Yang sengalnya aku terlupa nak ambil gambar finished model. Huahua.. Terlalu happy gamaknya sebab dah habis presentation.
Soo, berakhirlah kerja grouping dengan abang-abang English & French ni. Tahu jelah culture diorang ni, celebrate apa-apa tak sah takde cheers. Tapi, aku cakap jelah aku tak minum. Mula-mula ada gak yang pelik sebab dia kata dia kenal ramai Muslim yang minum arak. Aku senyum je cakap "but not me" Diorang ni minum dahla kat luar. Habis tu, aku sorang je pompuan bertudung dengan diorang. Tepi building nih dahlah Aston University. Ramai brother sister muslim. Lalu je pandang aku pelik.
(-___-') Speechless.. Aku hormat culture orang, tapi dalam masa yang sama, aku taknak la makan minum benda yang HAROMMM. Itu je.. after all, aku yang nak keluar dari comfort zone aku & merasa environment luar kan. So be it.
p/s: So far..Alhamdulillah, aku rasa okey je dengan life aku. Tak semak sangat otak ke apa. Study pun okey. Kelas pun tak pack macam kat UiTM dulu. Mula-mula je macam takut sebab kat school ramai mat salleh, takut la nak communicate ke apa. Typical feeling..tapi sekarang dah okey. Diorang pun nampak aku tegur je cakap hi ke apa.Cuma, cuaca sini. Nauzubillah..semakin sejuk. Kadang-kadang boleh buat jadi moody. Sebab gloomy je. Kalau tengok luar tingkap, tak tahu time tu pagi ke tengahari ke petang. Malam semakin awal. Lepas pukul 6 bandar dah tak hidup dah. Mana ada kedai bukak sampai malam ke. Restoran 24 jam macam mamak tu jauh sekali la. Soo, agak boring la sebenarnyaa..hahaha..
Sesiapa yang berada di Malaysia tu, percayalah cakap aku. Banyak sangat benda menarik kat Malaysia. & silalah bersyukur jika anda warganegara Malaysia. Sebab ramai sebenarnya orang sini yang nak datang Malaysia. Orang Malaysia je yang tak sedar & asyik kutuk negara sendiri. Malu je..Boo~
Mak aku dengan ayah aku kata diorang selalu doakan aku dimurahkan rezeki dapat fly, buatkan solat sunat hajat sekali.
Ayah aku, lepas aku apply MARA, hampir tiap hari call aku kat office, tanyakan apa result MARA, dapat ke tak. Aku pelik, apesal ayah aku lagi excited daripada aku ni?? Dia pulak yang macam gelisah. Macam-macam scholar gak dia suruh aku try bila ada update kat surat khabar.
Tiba masa aku dapat result MARA tu, aku happy, tapi aku tak tahu macam mana nak bagitahu parents aku? Perlu kah aku melompat-lompat tanda happy kemain? Perlukah buat muka serius?
So bila dah puas berjujuran air mata dalam bilik, dah guling-guling atas katil & terjerit-jerit on phone dengan kawan sebab macam tak percaya, aku pun ready lah nak turun bagitahu mak aku yang sedang menonton TV.
Me: Mama, result MARA haritu dah keluar. Guess what? I'm going to UK! Yeayyy!!! *sambil peluk mak aku*
Mama: Yeke?? Alhamdulillah..
Alaa kakak, tak payah lah pergi, nanti Mama risau kat anak mama ni. Awak tu dahla perempuan.
Me: Mama..seriously?? Tapi kan Mama bagi kalau Ofie nak study oversea. (sebab dulu mak aku tak bagi nak study oversea)
Mama: Alaa..Mama risau lah kat awak ni. Nanti kamu tak sihat ke apa siapa nak tengokkan.. Awak tu dahlah tak kahwin lagi. Nanti siapa nak jaga anak Mama ni?
Me: .................... (dalam hati sayu gila sebab mata mak aku dah berair dah)
Aku naik ke bilik semula. Tunggu ayah aku balik. Then bila ayah aku sampai, dia ketuk pintu. Aku rasa mesti mak aku dah bagitahu ayah aku. Aku pun buka pintu sambil sengih-sengih.
Me: (sambil buat muka excited) Walid!! Ofie dapat pi UK! Result MARA dah keluar.. (baru nak melompat sama-sama ayah aku time tu sebab dia pun happy go lucky gak kan ..)
Walid: (diam, senyum, berpaling dari aku..dan jalan ke bilik dia)
Me: (apakah??) Walid, kenapa..? Tak happy ke? Orang dah susah-susah apply uni dengan MARA ni..
Walid: huhuhuhu..(buat gaya cam nangis) sedihnya... Anak saya nak pergi jauh..
Dan itulah kali pertama aku tengok reaction sedih begitu dari ayah aku yang periang itu.
Hati aku rasa sangat..
OUCH.
sangat.. OUCH!
Dah susah-susah dapat, takkanlah tak pergi pulak. Aku macam dah risau. E eh, aku ni boleh pergi ke tak sebenarnya ni? Aku macam sedih gila dah ni parents aku ni nak melepaskan aku pergi ke tak ni.?
Tapi sebenarnya diorang bagi je pergi. Cuma yelah, nak melepaskan anak sulung perempuan kan. Jauh pulak tu. Kalau dulu setakat study kat UiTM Shah Alam, berapa jengkal sangatlah perjalanan nak balik Subang Jaya tu kan. Kalau sekarang..hurm..macam yang aku cakap, kalau rindu sangat rumah, sanggup gi Google Earth rumah sendiri. Huahuaaa.. =')
Selalunya kat rumah, aku memang rajin bancuh air kat parents aku. Kadang-kadang hint ayah aku kalau nak suruh aku bancuh air:
Walid: Eh, dengar cerita kan, bakal arkitek ni kalau bancuh air memang sedap tak terkata. (LOL betul).
Me: Fine (what a hint) nak Coffee ke Milo?
Mama: Make it two please =)
Tulah situation yang selalu berlaku di rumah. Rindu.
Everytime parents aku atau adik-adik bagitahu diorang rindu aku, percayalah hati aku remuk seketika. Sebab aku lagiiiilah rindu kat ramai orang. T___T
Bukanlah dengan parents je hati aku sayu. Nak bagitahu BFF dari zaman sekolah pun rasa sayu betul. Diorang kata, diorang happy untuk aku, tapi sedihnyaaa aku nak pergi jauh. Nanti kurang sorang geng lepak & XOXO. Nanti kalau sesiapa antara diorang dah nak tunang ke kahwin ke, aku tak dapat nak join persiapan. Or mungkin tak dapat pergi pun majlis nya. I iz so sad. ;'(
Masa aku meninggalkan Malaysia, waktu tu agak berat hati, sebab semuanya bagi aku dah well-planned, well-organised. Hati aku rasa stabil & happy. Aku happy dengan kerja aku, kat firm ke, kat pool ke. Then tempat aku mengajar pun nak bagi better pay. (^__^) tapi, tula.bukan rezeki. Aku terpaksa suruh kawan ganti dan meninggalkan semua yang aku ada di Malaysia untuk 2 tahun. Takpelah, mungkin bila melepaskan sesuatu dengan cara baik, akan dapat perkara yang baik juga disini. *nampak sangat nak sedapkan hati sendiri*
Masa aku kat sini jugaklah ada satu stesen TV hubungi aku untuk masukkan aku dalam satu rancangan baru tentang sukan. Basically nak rakam aktiviti mengajar berenang untuk muslimah. Again, bukan rezeki nak masuk TV.haha.. Menolak dengan cara baik dan minta kawan ganti.
p/s: Masa tahun baru (2012), aku pergi tengok fireworks. Semangat sangat. Tu first time pergi sambut New Year. Masa tu aku sangat rasa tahun ni sesuatu yang besar akan datang. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa ada feeling camtu sampai buatkan aku rasa nak tengok fireworks. Mungkin ni lah kot yang menanti aku. Aku berada di UK. Sesuatu yang aku tak plan.
Untuk entri ni, aku nak cerita pengalaman aku masa aku first dapat tahu yang aku memang 100% dapat fly.
Aku pernah bagitahu dalam entri sebelum ni, bahawasanya untuk ke UK, bukanlah pilihan utama aku untuk complete Part 2 senibina. Masa tu, ramai kawan termasuk kawan baik sendiri ajak apply study overseas. Tapi aku dengan yakinnya tolak mentah kat semua orang. Aku kata "aku taknak study oversea, hati aku kat Malaysia. Aku sayang nak tinggalkan rumah dengan family aku kat sini. Korang try la apply. Kalau korang dapat, aku datang sana melawat korang" dengan yakin eh cakap macam tu.
Entah kenapa ada satu haritu, pintu hati terbukak pulak nak try apply. Bestfriend aku dah beberapa kali cuba ajak aku.
Sampai lah akak ipar aku tanya " Kenapa Ofie taknak sambung luar? Try la, boleh tengok negara orang. Kalau Kak Ayu dapat peluang ni, Kak Ayu nak pergi. Tapi tahu ajelah, dah kahwin & ada anak, bukanlah senang nak belajar dengan komitmen camni." Terus aku terdiam..pikir dalam-dalam..
Sebab aku fikir, aku memang takde komitmen dengan siapa-siapa, takde hutang piutang keliling pinggang macam PTPTN ke apa, aku dahla suka travel & tengok negara orang. Terus hati aku rasa nak mencuba.
Aku ni pula, jenis yang..alang-alang menyeluk pekasam biar sampai ke pengkal lengan. Tarikh permohonan universiti waktu tu dah nak tutup. Aku buat keputusan masa pertengahan Februari 2012. Redah jela. Architecture, kalau nak sambung mana-mana pun, portfolio memang penting. Aku pun sanggup amek cuti sehari kat ofis sebab nak buat portfolio betul-betul, siap deactivate Facebook aku buat sementara waktu. Gila semangat.
Kebetulan tak lama lepas tu ada interviewer dari universiti aku kat sini datang Malaysia nak temuduga student. Aku pun pergi sorang-sorang drive meredah KL walaupun tak berapa tahu jalan & jadi orang pertama yang kena interview. Lusanya dapat Conditional Offer dah. Tinggal nak buat test IELTS. Bila semua dah lepas, satu je yang merisaukan aku.
MARA.
Aku tahu result aku dulu taklah gempak mana kalau nak compare dengan orang lain (kot). Tapi macam aku kata tadi, aku ni jenis alang-alang menyeluk pekasam biar sampai ke pengkal lengan kan. Aku nak cuba jugak! Sebab dah dapat offer beberapa uni. Rugi kalau mengalah tanpa mencuba. Masa result keluar, first round aku dan rakan-rakan tak dapat. Tapi aku pesan kat kawan aku, selagi kita tak buat rayuan, jangan give up lagi. Alhamdulillah lepas rayuan, aku dan kawan-kawan dapat. =')
Meleleh air mata terharu time tu. Sebab tak percaya "betul ke ni aku yang selenga ni dapat sambung study kat UK??"
So lepas tu, tiba lah masa nak kena bagitahu parents aku pasal results MARA, which, hurmm..
Selepas setahun lebih aku bekerja, aku sambung belajar balik. & ya Allah, baru kerja setahun lebih aku rasa otak aku dah lemau dah nak study balik. Nasib baiklah aku sambung jugak belajar. Aku akui, sekarang dah tak macam dulu dah masa buat Part 1 senibina di UiTM. Dulu tak tidur 3 hari 3 malam pun takpe. Sekarang, dah tak kisah. Tidur tu perlu! Beauty sleep kununnya. ;p
Memilih untuk belajar di United Kingdom, bukanlah satu pilihan utama aku satu masa dulu. Dulu aku fikir nak sambung study kat UiTM jugak. Aku takut sebenarnya untuk ke luar negara sebab aku tahu, belajar architecture ni, mencabar. Nak adapt dengan environment baru pun mencabar, nak tinggal jauh dari family dan rumah home sweet home ku juga mencabar. 3 in 1 punya cabaran ni menakutkan aku.Tapi, sekejap je aku buat keputusan untuk sambung study di luar negara. Macam, serius pantas. Lepas decide, aku terus apply university, buat portfolio dengan gigihnya *kononlaa* , pergi interview, apply MARA. Shoot! Ada rezeki, dapat dan phewww~ terbanglah saya di bumi UK ni. sobs..
T__T *kalau rindu rumah aku sanggup Google Earth cari mana rumah aku okey! hakikat nih*
Aku fikir, kalau aku tak fly, hidup aku dah well-planned dah. Aku kerja di firm, weekend lepak pool, ajar swimming yang aku suka tu, duduk rumah, kalau sambung part 2 di UiTM pun aku akan still aktif dengan pool & team lifeguard.. Tapi, tu semua..comfort zone aku. Aku terlalu selesa dengan life aku membuatkan aku..huhu..mencabar diri aku sendiri untuk sambung study di UK macam ayah aku dulu-dulu. Untuk rasa sendiri pengalaman hidup di negara orang, supaya bila aku balik Malaysia, aku akan lebih confident. Dari segi, macam-macam, seperti communication skill dan bla..bla..bla..
Disebabkan aku kononnya mencabar diri aku sendiri, sekali amek kau Sophie! Unit untuk kelas design aku semua lelaki. Zasss! *rasa macam halilintar lalu depan muka aku time tu!* Kenapa?? Kenapa aku sorang je international student perempuan dalam group aku? T___T Tak kelakar okey..
Ni masa presentation. Basically ni unit aku la. Nampak tak takde perempuan disini?
Unit ni dibahagi lagi dalam group kecil. Jadi aku group dengan student Full Time Year 5 lah. Gambar bawah ni ialah ahli group aku.
Yelah, aku tahulah diorang hensem. Korang jangan cakap pape. (-__-')
Aku tahu aku lucky part ni kan?
Masa mula-mula aku masuk kelas, mestilah kecuakan aku gila babas kan. Mula-mula tu susah sangat nak faham accent diorang. Tapi sekarang dah orait lah juge. & satu benda yang aku sangat bersyukur ialah ahli group aku ni, yelaaa, kitorang semua pun baru kenal antara satu sama lain. Tapi boleh ngam lah jugak, plus diorang taklah buatkan aku rasa left out ke apa. Kalau aku kata tak faham, diorang akan explain sampai aku faham. Kalau ada apa-apa update, diorang bagitahu. Kalau pergi site, diorang tak bagi aku jalan sorang. Kalau aku jalan sorang, diorang akan catch up aku. E ehh.. suweet jugak eh diorang nih.
Alhamdulillah, kat sini, ada waktunya aku terpaksa pergi mana-mana sorang-sorang. Tapi tiap kali aku dilanda kesusahan.. ='( ada je orang yang jadi superhero tolong aku dari A-Z & setiap kali dibantu aku rasa macam huwaaa.. =') terharu sangat. Oh, mungkin tipsnya setiap kali keluar rumah kena baca doa minta dilindungi especially ayat Qursi. Mungkin jugak mak ayah aku kat Malaysia doa banyak-banyak untuk keselamatan aku jugak kot. =)
Satu benda yang aku sangat rindu pasal UiTM ialah studio culture. Kat sini takde studio. Mana-mana tempat kosong kau buat jelah kerja kat situ. Lambak je semua drawings, laptop ke tanda dah mark territory kau hari itu. Muahahaha.. Keji.
Bersama ahli group.
Walaupun takde studio, tapi satu benda yang aku kagum adalah workshop. Alat-alatan nak buat model memang tip top tip! Kalau dulu buat model manually memang lepas tu segala jenis accident di jari harus berlaku seperti lebam, kesan gam gajah lekat kat jari yang mengerikan tiba-tiba teringat cerita Saw, kesan kena blade, paper cut, wood cut, segala jenis model board cut. Huh..
Kat workshop ni banyak pakai laser cutting lah untuk pelbagai jenis material.
Saya yang harus gagah disini demi mengharumkan nama Malaysia *sungguh patriotik!* dan membanggakan mak ayah dan keluarga yang selalu labelkan saya "si lembik". Tapi si lembik ni jugaklah sampai kat negara orang. Peace!!! V(^__^)V
Ni bangunan The Public. Basically aku kena join project untuk bangunan ni untuk salah satu subjek kat sini. Subjek ni satu subjek yang menarik bagi aku sebab melibatkan student dengan projek sebenar. The Public Ramp punya project. Lebih kepada design interior sebenarnya. Macam, kena design bahagian tertentu supaya area tu lebih functional instead of wasted.
Ini lah ramp dalam tu. Dalam dia memang cantik.
Tak dilupakan juga, menempuh bahaya pergi site malam-malam naik basikal sebab nak amek gambar site waktu malam untuk crime studies aku. Basikal kat sini boleh bawak masuk train. Serius, memang bahaya sebab malam-malam keluarlah kutu rayau, budak-budak nakal yang buli kami ='( , geng mabuk-mabuk nak pergi party. Serik keluar malam macam ni siott. This is the last I hope.
Kat sini manede mamak 24 jam. Sebab tu malam sunyi gila. Kecuali orang nak pergi club & pub. Tu jelah lifestyle diorang.
p/s: So inilah serba sedikit update pasal keadaan aku disini. Ohya, kalau korang perasan aku dah tukar layout dan header blog nih. Cumanya, yang aku menyampah tu, setiap kali update template, blog list aku mesti hilang.. Huwaaa..kena cari balik satu persatu blog yang aku nak link kat blog aku.
Sedang sibuk-sibuk tengok facebook, aku terlihat seorang kawan post artikel ni. Walaupun busy tapi aku semangat baca sampai habis. Dan aku rasa..hurmmm..sedih tapi sangat bermakna. Oleh itu, aku nak share dengan korang jugak. Walaupun dalam bahasa Inggeris, takpe, tak paham boleh bukak kamus mahupun google dictionary.
Bawah ni video tapi aku copy paste sekali talk dari mendiang Dr.Richard Teo ni. Semoga kita, sebagai manusia terutamanya yang beragama Islam ambil iktibar dari kisah hidup beliau.
In Memory of Dr. Richard Teo (1972 - 2012)
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share with the D1 class his life experience on 19-Jan-2012. He has just passed away few days ago on 18 October 2012.
Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with m
e. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.
Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.
Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.
So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.
You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.
So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.
So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.
So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.
Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.
This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.
See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..
You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.
Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.
Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?
There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.
Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.
Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.
Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.
Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.
A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.
Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.
Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.
We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.
You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.
So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.
I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.
Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way.
Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.
So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.
Few things I’d learnt though: 1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important. 2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.
We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.
Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.
p/s: memang ada cita-cita nak jadi kaya. Tapi, hidup yang lebih bahagia tu lagi penting dari harta benda. =')
Masa minggu pertama sampai Birmingham, aku dan rakan-rakan pergi ke Lincoln. Lebih kurang 2 jam setengah kalau naik train. Pergi sana untuk hantar sahabat-sahabat yang belajar di Lincoln. Diorang baru dapat cari rumah sewa. Memandangkan mereka yang dah pergi Lincoln kata Lincoln tempat yang cantik untuk dilawati, maka haruslah pergi kan..
Tolong Laida pasang bed sheet. Kitorang memang bestfriend dari zaman kat UiTM lagi. Konvo sama-sama, sekarang kat UK pun sama-sama.. Gila lah! Macam tak percaya sampai sekarang!
Ni kat Tesco. Banyak Tesco kat sini yang 24 jam.
Siang itu sangat cerah. So memang best lah sebab tak hujan. Cuaca kat sini memang camni. Kat luar tengok macam terang benderang, panas. Sekali keluar, menggigil.. Aduh, tipah tertipu selalu.
Kalau kat negara orang, tengok architecture memang cantik. Mana-mana pergi mesti nak pegang-pegang bangunan dia, pikir dibuat pakai material apa bagai. huhu..
Ni masih musim luruh tapi bunga tak luruh lagi pun time ni.
Kat sini ada canal & swan gebu-gebu..
Kami ke Lincoln Cathedral. Ni salah satu tempat shooting movie Da Vinci Code. Huhu.. teruja je bila sampai. Tapi nak naik bukit untuk sampai tempat ni, Nauzubillah..tinggi betul nak panjat bukit.
Besar kan bangunan ni. Tengok human scale.
The girls.
Penunjuk perasaan.
Kononnya macam cover album. Anyway, nampak macam Bukit Tinggi kat Malaysia lah tempat ni sebenarnya.
Bagi aku, Lincoln sangat berbeza dengan Birmingham. Kat Birm, ada rasa macam keliru aku kat negara orang putih ke kat negara 'yang bukan orang putih'. Sebab ramai sangat-sangat orang kaum lain selain yang kulit putih. (termasuklah I..huahua..sebab tu taknak komen lebih-lebih macamlah aku ni mat salleh kan..). Kat Lincoln, bangunan sekeliling macam dalam skala yang kecil aje saiz dia. sedap-sedap mata memandang, bersih dan cantik. Malaysian yang ada di Lincoln pun sangat sedikit. Jadi bila orang tengok kita, diorang pun paham-paham lah yang kami ni tourist (kot..) Lincoln tempat yang menarik untuk sightseeing. So boleh lah kalau nak datang sini. Cumanya, makanan mahal sikit lah.
Tak dilupakan juga, disebabkan area rumah aku ni ramai lah juga Malaysian tahun ni, (MARA hantar ramai student ke apa tahun ni?) makanya haritu kami buat Potluck. Lepas makan-makan kami berjalan-jalan di taman. Konon-konon ambil feel autumn.
90% daripada kami adalah dari UiTM. Hurmm.. kadang-kadang terfikir adakah jika anda dari UiTM maka kebarangkalian anda untuk sambung belajar di luar negara adalah sedikit tinggi? Just wondering..
Nampak tak betapa happynya disitu?
Autumn in my heart. Seriously..autumn in my heart.. =')
p/s: Dah nak dekat 2 bulan disini. So far aku takdelah berjalan sangat sebab kelas pun dah start. & tahu ajelah course aku ni pun tak boleh nak senang duduk sangat kan. Cuma sempat pergi Lincoln dengan London je baru. Pergi London sebab ada Malaysian Night kat Trafalgar Square. So next time aku update. Sekarang mau buat kerjaan.
